192 – Tinder and the spark of love

Barley Stacks Wines 2008 Shiraz and 2013 Shiraz from The Peninsulas … tasting notes

We have these wines because Steve met Brooklyn Sims from the Cellar Door at a tourism marketing seminar he was running in Yorketown recently and she said she had some wines that would suit his palate. The 2008 is full bodied and the 2013 is a gold medal winner that is medium-bodied with quite a bit of tannin.

Those of us in jobs are working harder and longer than ever, FOMO (fear of missing out) is rife, largely due to the happy shots we all share from our lives, and if you’re single but WANTING to be in a relationship, the pace of life and the artificially high expectation levels from potential partners must surely make the thought of courting daunting. So, enter Tinder, online dating sites, and speed dating. These tools are great when they’re great but devastating when they go bad. To share their stories about these services, we have Delilah, Natasha and Rick, along with insights shared by a number of our listeners.

Natasha mentions the personality test she sent Darryl. Here it is: DISC Personality Test

Delilah has an open Facebook Group entitled Delilah Writes, which you are welcome to visit and join.

Humans have been pairing up and mating for thousands of years. Why do you all think it is so hard these days?

How did you meet people earlier in your lives?

Does the bombardment of social media actually raise expectations out there?

What have you tried – what are your stories?

J: (She met her mand on Tinder). I gave Tinder one chance, my housemate at the time forced me to have a look, so as I scrolled through countless amounts of bearded overly tattooed tradies, I came across M. Took me 2 weeks to finally meet him. And I said to myself if this date is crap, I’m going to get 10 cats and live happily alone.He marketed himself very well in his profile picture, you got what you saw. And he’s a great conversationist, so refreshing after being married to someone who’s as interesting as a stick. My best mate J Married her Tinder date 2 years ago, so it is with anything luck of the draw, keeping and open mind and having a go! You never know who might capture you.

L: I have great friends I’ve met on Tinder and many amusing stories! i have had good experiences and bad but i don’t blame tinder!

S: Hi Steve. I saw your FB post. I have a friend who met her boyfriend through Tindr, they’ve been together for more than a year and things are going well. Personally, I’ve had only positive experiences through it, but I set very clear intentions and have strict boundaries. My story doesn’t fit into either the ‘hook up’ or ‘pair bonding’ storylines, so it probably isn’t what you’re looking for, but I wanted to let you know that apps like this do have happy stories associated with them.

My middle way is focused on having a lover rather than a partner, but that’s not to say it’s only about sex. To me, a lover is about friendship and emotional intimacy and open-heartedness without ownership of each other or expectations beyond what is right for both of us now. It takes a lot of emotional honesty with yourself and with them to achieve this. My current lover has been in my life for about 18 months but we both know there will come a time when this is no longer right for one or both of us, and our aim is to let each other go at that moment with love and gratitude. (I’ve achieved this with other lovers, though they were in my life for less time.) We also are not monogamous. Obviously, only certain people are able to handle a relationship like this. Some people might see it as polyamorous but I don’t quite identify with that label but perhaps that’s because I’m not into labelling things. By setting intentions, I mean that before I used Tindr, I very clearly identified what sort of people I wanted to attract through it and how I wanted to feel through my interactions with them, so that I was able to recognise the right people. I rely heavily on my intuition even in terms of which way I swipe but for it to work, you need to get clear in yourself first. Boundaries are about behaviour. If we’re chatting and they don’t ask questions about me, unmatch. If they are only interested in sexual conversation, unmatch. If their replies are only ever one sentence, unmatch. If they bitch about anything, unmatch. That sort of thing.

Facebook relationship status? How do you choose the right one?

Apps:

Sites:

Speed Dating:

Dinners:

Hobbies:

 Nigel challenges the panel to pick the fake story from three stories from South Australia’s past.

Register July 1901
Love Letters And Lost Mail
A diverting article in The Burra Times dealing with the often reported lack of love letters sent from the Boer war-front confirms the assurance that, although the time of the Boer conflict witnessed the most serious deficiency of ink ever known, the desire to write mail from the war was also high. The article further supplies a contradiction to the general belief that South African transports were so unreliable as to have deserved the withering rebuke “Many an old man’s movements have been more regular than a ship from Africa”. From the correspondence received by the Burra Times many of the locals are regularly receiving mail from brothers and sons fighting in Africa.

Newcastle Sun –November 1947
Love letters in poison trial
Letters alleged to have been written to her lover are the basis of a charge of attempted murder against a woman aged 32 married to a man of 74. This was stated at Adelaide Police Court, when Jean Margaret Brooks was accused of having tried to poison James Cornelius Brooks. Police Prosecutor (Inspector O’Sullivan) said that Mrs. Brooks had left her husband to live with Robinson, whom she met when she was 21, and who was the father of her three illegitimate children. Brooks, who married her on May 31 last, had known her as Mrs. Robinson, though actually she was the widow of a Rumanian, Mick Nickolai. She was 24 and Nickolai 70 at the time of that marriage, and Nickolai had died five years ago. The Police Prosecutor said that on Oct. 23 while a Mrs. Smith was cleaning in Robinson’s room, three letters to “Dear Bill” fell from a book. Extracts read: Even, if he catches me. I don’t care. The other stuff did not work, and I’ll now have to wait till he gets the doctor’s medicine before I can use any more. Pat (Mrs. Brooks’ daughter) told you that Frank said I was slowly poisoning him I wouldn’t do anything like that (much). If you can get me something in liquid form, I may be able, to do something to hurry things on.

Gadly
July 1907
Your aunt was in the scramble at the Catt-Charlick bargains the other morning, and bore off several tins of cheap pineapple at the risk of losing her wig. The casual person can’t appreciate Catt’s. You want to do more than pass the door to discover the cosy writing room for ladies on the top floor. This idea of a comfortable spot, in which one may scribble one’s love letters, a few paces from where one buys one’s hair-nets seems to me eminently sensible, and in future, I shall write all my copy there, and so be in close touch with any drapery bargains that happen along. They say the directeur contemplates building more premises at the back, and fitting up a grocery establishment on the top floor. When the latter is accomplished, the writing – room will, no doubt, be filled with a great feminine throng, who will rush groceries when prices fall, or slide down the bannisters at the mere mention of a bargain in bonnets. Mr. Catt is a sly puss, and, if he only keeps his bannisters well polished, he ought to make at least seven or eight fortunes.

In 100 Weeks Ago we hear from Glam Adelaide’s Kelly Noble, as she listens to Steve’s story of getting clothes for his first date!

We also ask the guests about what they recommend wearing to first dates, just before we listen to Kelly.