The Salt ‘N Pepa song, Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby, could well be the theme song for this week’s episode because that’s exactly what we’re talking about with our special guest, Wala Truscott, who is a relationship, intimacy and attraction facilitator, professional touch therapist, and The Wheel of Consent teacher. If your relationship has lost is flames of desire and attraction, Wala has some hope-giving insights to share.
Instead of an SA Drink Of The Week this week, we’re going to chat about some SA condiments with the team from Beerenberg Farm, to celebrate the opening of their new Farm Cafe & Dairy. In particular, Steve gets to meet THE Uncle Steve of Beerenberg Chutney fame.
And in the Musical Pilgrimage, we finish off with a smouldering song from 2015 by Adie Haines.
Plus, BIG NEWS, we just won Silver for Best Interview Podcast at the Australian Podcast Awards.
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Running Sheet: Let’s talk about sex, baby
Introduction to the show.
00:04:12 SA Drink Of The Week
This week, it’s actually a meet and greet with some fine people from Beerenberg Farm, to mark the opening of their new Farm Cafe & Dairy.
We meet Sally Paech, marketing director, and talk with two people who are “famous” for being on the labels of sought after products, namely, Uncle Steve and Nikki.
00:14:06 Wala Truscott
Wala Truscott works with singles and couples who are struggling with resentment in their relationships, so they can move to a place of having open, honest and uncomfortable conversations with their partners and ultimately achieve a strengthening of their “relationship certainty” and a deepening of their sexual connection. So, in borrowing the words of Frankenfurter from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, why don’t you come into this chat, and where it’s all at. I’m glad you’re shivering in an-tici-pation. Wala, welcome to The Adelaide Show.
Before get in too deep, is the presence of absence of anticipation a good “canary in the coalmine” when it comes to measuring the sensual or intimate health of a relationship?
I noted that you shared on LinkedIn that you were looking forward to this chat so that we could explore why relationships either deepen or dwindle. So let’s start there because I just heard a respected social scientist say on a podcast recently (I think it was Sam Harris’s Making Sense podcast, but it could have been Paul Bloom on the Very Bad Wizards podcast), that if you counted the number of times a married couple has sex in their first year of marriage, you can then start counting down from that with every subsequent year for the rest of their lives and you will never reach zero. Is that what you’d call a “dwindling” relationship?
Why is sex and/or intimacy so important to a relationship? We know it has physical and psychological benefits, so is there reason to be suspicious when someone says they’re relationship has “moved on” from sexual relationships?
As I grew up, my dad was a priest and he’d often take a text from the Bible to guide his sermons, so I’m going to follow suite BUT I’ll be choosing as my text, Kiss, by Prince. Wala, I’d like you to reflect on the healthiness or otherwise of some of the statements in this song.
You don’t have to be beautiful
To turn me on
I just need your body, baby
From dusk ’til dawn
You don’t need experience
To turn me out
Then he sings:
You just leave it all up to me
I’m gonna show you what it’s all about
This seems a bit one-sided? Or can that be a good thing?
I just want your extra time and your
Does he stumble into some gold here. Is intimacy really about “time” and “focus”?
Some last quotes:
You got to not talk dirty, baby
If you wanna impress me (ah)
You can’t be too flirty, mama
I know how to undress me, yeah
I want to be your fantasy
Maybe you could be mine
Do people often reach for dirty talk or sexting, thinking it’s a turn on, when it might not be? How would you talk about this?
Women, not girls, rule my world
I said they rule my world
Act your age, mama (not your shoe size)
As someone who is older and whose body shows the sign of abuse and neglect from working too much instead of being physical, there are two points here. Firstly, it’s okay to find out how to be “sexy” while being old (and maybe sexy isn’t the term), and secondly, do you think people’s own embarrassment about their bodies saps them of the confidence and energy of seeking to reignite the flames of passion for fear that their self-repulsion might be shared by their partner?
Here endeth my sermon but a friend of mine – a former priest who these days is an awesome family systems therapist, Brett Williams from Adelaide Night And Day Family Therapy – asks you to comment on this: How come in our society, is sexuality (both its understanding and its practice), controlled by organisations like the porn industry and churches, and then by the media, rather than being influenced by the education and academic world?
How do you work with individuals and couples?
Take us through the various tools at your disposal.
What’s your advice for people who are seeking or starting a relationship?
And for those of us married or in long term relationships, what are some simple things we could do tonight OR some questions that could start the ball rolling?
And are there any good books, movies, TV shows, etc, where either characters demonstrate healthy sexuality OR the have great insights, eg, The Love Languages/
01:15:34 Musical Pilgrimage
In the musical pilgrimage, we have Shut Up And Kiss Me, a song by Adie Haines, first brought to our attention in 2015, and played on our episode in which we interviewed, Samela Harris. In light of the discussion with Wala, this song is a good one to ponder, given the insights that too much dithering in the bedroom and in relationships in general can be a BIG turn off.
Here’s this week’s preview video
SFX: Throughout the podcast we use free SFX from freesfx.co.uk for the harp, the visa stamp, the silent movie music, the stylus, the radio signal SFX, the wine pouring and cork pulling SFX, and the swooshes around Siri.